I kept a pen for 6 years and other short stories

I kept a pen for six years…

I have a fascination with unusual pens, whether their unusualness is color related, the place I got it from or the shape. I have a pen shaped like a toy car. And basically everything most people lose often, I have a tendency to keep for ages. Bobby pins; I’ve had my current pair for 3 years. Hair bands, nail cutters, hair decorations, there are some in my room that my mom has threatened to toss out. They’ve been with me for a long long long while. Think 11 years and above.

The point, a colleague of mine received a green pen from a customer and after a while, she forgot it at home. Now I had a green pen too. So we were hanging out after work and she mentioned that I’d taken her green pen. Lol. I then fully explained all the differences between my green pen and her green pen and then I ended with the statement, “Don’t test me oh, I’ve kept one pen for 6 years before.” I had indeed, from age 12 – 18 only ending once my pen bag was filched, probably because of the N1000 I’d taken to keeping there. But as a lesson to everyone who has a pen similar to mine, “do not test me oh, I’ve kept pens for 6 years” and not for lack of usage too. πŸ˜ŠπŸ‘πŸ‘ I’m clapping for myself.

DiCS personality testing

So in one of my bank’s training sessions, the facilitator had a breakdown of this personality test and she explained that dominant personality types are drivers, result oriented people who don’t particularly care if they hurt your feelings, how they look etc etc. I know some dominant people. Influential people are the kind who care, who’ll take the time to explain why while making you feel like the choice is completely yours but you’d definitely want to do as they say because you see the benefits. And then she explained C and S. Cautious/conscientious (prone to reading everything before signing or agreeing (I’ve read the terms and conditions of quite a few online agreements, think 60 pages of small print), have unbreakable, sometimes unreasonable routines, conscientious people really really don’t want problems and they look for lots of ways to not get in trouble; and Steadiness. I was listening to the personality traits she described and I was like, Uju, this is so you. And then she said, everyone has little bits of all these personalities but the difference is the ones they exhibit constantly. Imagine someone being a C and an S in one body. Basically me. Chai. Chim o. I almost burst into nervous laughter. I’m a bloody hero guys. I’m a super hero. I’ll sign autographs for you as long as you feed me for an entire day day. And I eat, a lot. 😊

P. S- I have absolutely no idea why the I is always in non capital. I completely forgot what the opposite of capital letters is. I just remembered, it is Small letters.

John Oliver- Last week tonight

Please take some time out to watch this show. It’s crazy funny and very very informative. See,

This is my rule, ignore it

I wrote on a previous post, that I’d stop reading blog posts if the blogger didn’t reply comments I’d left on their posts. So here’s an amendment and an apology; shit happens. I realize that lots of people have commitments to more than just me and I’m cool with that. I don’t like it at all. But if I like a blog and leave a comment and I’m not replied to, I’m cool. It’s very peaceful not caring too much about crap like that.

Jevinik Place: A review

Went out with a friend today. I suggested Jevinik and he agreed. I had to be at work by 7am and we were to meet by 2. So I was quite hungry by then. Remember, I like food and Jevinik is known for its huge portions.

I ordered Abacha and my friend ordered pounded yam and vegetable soup. And then I ordered Nkwobi to go.

Things to note, you had to order your sides separately. Basically, my friend had to order goat meat separately. My Abacha was good. I had to answer questions about Abacha and what it was and by the time I was done, I was exhausted. Also, my abacha came with zero “encouragement”, zero “motivation”. I had to pick out my friend’s dry fish and munch. I didn’t know you had to order sides separately.

P.s: I didn’t know I was going to do this review until halfway through my food. So there are no full pictures. Sorry.

Then there was the bottle of water we did not ask for which the waiter gave us. A confused order perhaps. But still. I’d ordered the abacha as a starter but in the end, it was starter, main course and dessert. I have a tendency to overestimate my appetite. Adaeze can tell you. We had fresh juice, as the waiter called it. He did not make a distinction as to what the fruit was but, come close 😳 it was pineapple juice with lots of foam. You’re welcome. The prices were fair, except I just noticed that the price of the goat meat was more than the price of the soup. Lol.

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Everything considered, including the 10 minute power outage, I give the place a 3.5/5 star rating.

P. S- Thank you so much dear for being the kind of person whose food I can grab and chew without shame. Thank you for the long ass walking tour and everything else.

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Happy Thursdays Week 16

So Trump won the election yesterday and Nigerian Twitter exploded in wails. I might write a post on what I think later but I don’t plan to post it on here. 
All you need to know is that whether Trump or Hillary had become president of America, the so called “leaders of the free world” (fantastic slogan though, America πŸ‘), nothing changes the fact that God is on the throne, constantly looking out for his beautiful, precious kiddies. 
Everything go dey alright. Breathe!


But I’d scheduled this blog post for today before I even realized it was the day after the elections. And seeing the results, I think it’s time I put on my happy girl, growing-Christian- girl- giving- testimonies- hat and shifted your focus for a little while.

Y’all ready? Awesome.

ONE

 I took a bike on the 26th of October to meet an “urgent” appointment. Straddling the bike, this car, from nowhere seemingly, while reversing almost toppled the bike over and crushed my knee.

But God was looking out for his baby girl. Right before impact, the car stopped. The okada guy was about to start berating the driver when I gave the car a solid but ultimately ineffective whack and told him to drive on. #notimetowitnesspointlessargumentsbiko

I’m just glad my knee wasn’t crushed. 

PS 1: Also people, do not call people to come urgently if you know you’re going to make them wait for thirty minutes afterwards under the hot sun. I hate that nonsense.

TWO

If you read the last thing I posted on here, you know that it’s in my nature to be nice. But I’m working on not being so nice anymore, it’s like a signal to people “see this one here, come and take advantage”.

The thing is, niceness is in my nature. It’s what I’m most comfortable with. My default setting. So now, I try to be low key nice. Low key because if you’re highkey nice, people will flock, take advantage and leave you so bitter and angry, you recoil at the taste for years. 

Amyway, back to the point, when I had to go for my CDS clearance, I noticed that the keke who’d picked me was only carrying me. So I decided to be his conductor and I called passengers for him until he had a full napep. 

Then getting closer to our destination, I noticed that he was taking me directly to the NYSC secretariat instead of stopping me at Bode Thomas, I told him to stop so I could get down. I’d had a bad experience with napeps taking you on journeys against your loudly expressed will and fully expecting you to pay them for, in effect, falsely imprisoning you.

There was another corper in the napep. And when I told the man to stop, he told me to calm down. I was already looking through my wallet for the complete fare to Bode Thomas (the Napeps charge an extra #30 to drop you at the NYSC secretariat). Barracks to Bode Thomas is usually N70. I was going to only pay him N70. I’d told him to stop, no?

When he stopped me in front of the secretariat, I gave him N150 for the both of us. He gave me back N50 and told me that although he knew he’d made me angry, he wasn’t going to let me walk when I was the one who called passengers for him. Gobsmacked, once again. And he gave the other girl a pass on the fare, because she and I were talking and he didn’t want to upset me. I was so humbled! I got off the napep with such an awesome feeling of wellbeing and the feeling of being highly valued.

PS 2- I am indeed quite well aware that there exists no such word as highkey. If in fact there is a chart depicting levels of niceness, there would be more than 2 options and highkey and low key would not be the names of the markers either. But they are the names of my markers and they work well. For me.

THREE

I am very thankful that God prevented me from hitting someone with a car yesterday. When I started driving, I begged God not to let me kill, hurt or maim anyone. Yesterday, he answered. And I’m more than grateful. Pray for me, please. Pray for my driving also.

PSA: Do not ever drive when you’re tired or sleepy. Ever. Bad stuff will happen. You’ll miss signs, forget what you need to do or hurt someone. More people driving when tired/sleepy get into crashes than people who drive drunk. Do not ever drive tired or sleepy.

FOUR

My friends just welcomed a bouncing, cute, gorgeous little girl recently, Her name is Oluwasemiloore Ajijola and she is so gorgeous you can’t believe it. Congratulations guys!

Oluwasemiloore Ajijola, we love you!

Their wedding inspired one of my oldest posts

FIVE

So, on the day of my POP (passing out parade), I aimed to get there super early because I wanted to get my certificate and return home to do something else I’d had slated.

I got to Berger, got on a bus to Iyana Ipaja. It was N250 but given that it had been N200 last year and they removed subsidy this year, that was not a red flag. I got on the bus, paid my fare and sat down. From previous experience, I knew the NYSC secretariat was a bus stop along the road so I checked my WhatsApp, Twitter and other social media, started reading a Wattpad novel etc. He called stops for passengers but until he called a stop called Ajegunle, I wasn’t particularly interested. I didn’t remember much about Iyana Ipaja from last year but I was quite sure there was no stop called Ajegunle. Still he kept on driving and reasoning that he might be taking another route, I stayed on.

Then when the last bus stop was announced and I got off the bus, I found out that I was in Ipaja, Ogun State. 😐

I explained my predicament to the driver who laughed his head off at me but told me to get back into the bus as he was going to Iyana Ipaja next.

When I finally got to Iyana Ipaja and collected my certificate of discharge, I hung around with Chima for a while and then with my friend Chinyere. I said hello to a former pastor of mine, at the Oasis. He’d brought his 8 month pregnant wife to the camp to collect her certificate.

When I determined to leave, I almost fell. Now, I have recurrent episodes of hypoglycemia and the main symptom of it in my body is dizziness. Incredible dizziness. And then incredible tiredness. I went over to a guy selling yoghurt (to increase my blood sugar levels) and brought out my money to pay but he kept right on wasting my time so I got a chair and went to sit under a canopy. Every part of my body was tingling (my body was trying to compensate by pumping blood faster) and I had to close my eyes because it looked like everywhere was spinning. Even under the canopy, the sun was still hot, I desperately wanted to remove the crested vest because the collar was choking my neck. So I did something I usually wouldn’t; I asked for help.

I went over to my former pastor and I asked him if he could drop me off somewhere where I could get a bus directly to Berger. He said okay and directed me back to my seat until his wife finished her clearance. Then, explaining the situation to his wife, they agreed I’d come with them. And they did not drop me at a stop where I could get a bus to Berger, they dropped me at Berger itself. New Garage to be precise. 

For people who lived in Lekki, this was over- and- beyond nice. Wherever you guys are, thank you. Thank you so incredibly much. May God bless you abundantly and remember this always in your favour.

(PS: I got a doughnut almost immediately afterwards to increase my blood sugar levels.)

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ARTICLE RECOMMENDATIONS

http//hopesdiaries.com/2016/10/18/the-god-of-all-comfort/- Very lovely article.

To the Girl Who’s β€œToo Nice”: You Can Be Kind and Be Strong

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ANNOUNCEMENT

Chinedu will be having a sewing club programne on the 19th of November. You can buy for yourself, your friends and family. Even boys will like it.
Details in the picture πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡. Just make that call or send that email. Thank you.

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