(18) Preparation + Blessings = Happy, Loving Families

This is the continuation of this post.

The thought I forgot to complete in that last post was basically this: You, more than absolutely anyone else except God; who can see the future and can guide you, if you’d let him, know what is the very best for you in every situation.

Where you want/need to be in your life before you start dating, before you have children.

Please do not outsource your thinking on any subject, on absolutely any topic before you make sure it’s the best decision for you, in your particular circumstances and for any children you may have been blessed with.

Children are a blessing. Children are a blessing. Children are a blessing.

Children are a blessing and their mental health, their physical health, their emotional health and well-being must be prioritized in every case where there is a fissure in the marriage.

Also, the “right” marriages are a blessing to the participants, their parents and to everyone who sees it or is directly blessed by it.

Marriages are covenants between two people and God, for Christian marriages. And the biggest blessings God can offer a marriage is/are children.

Even when single, the biggest blessings God can offer you are your children.

Even when in pain, even riddled with anxiety, when everything is going wrong and you’re afraid, they are still God’s biggest and best blessings.

I am pro choice but I’m now leaning towards the pro life movement, but I’m not there yet. I’d like to be there, but what about the women that are carrying the children in cases of forced pregnancies? In cases of criminal sexual assault, in cases of people taking advantage of the helpless?

Whatever you do, just make sure you and the child are safe. No matter what. Look into adoption services as well if you were considering an abortion. Please.

You are the biggest blessing God has given someone too, past, present. it doesn’t seriously matter. You are a blessing.

But something a lot of people do not realize, is that once you make a decision within yourself to have children, you owe those future children a responsibility to study and learn everything about child rearing.

Everything. Absolutely everything.
Christian/Alternative parenting styles, the five love languages of children, of teenagers, of men and women, how to teach children financial responsibility, how to recognize symptoms of sexual assault/abuse, how to properly nurture them.

However, you also owe yourself a responsibility to represent what you teach and tell them every blessed day.

And, once you make a decision to get married, you owe yourself and your future spouse the responsibility to study ahead. To know the love languages of men and women. To know when God blesses you with them, how to take care of them, how to nurture them, how to PROPERLY love and respect them.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing for her worth is far above rubies, and obtains favour from the Lord. And she who finds a husband, a MAN who does not push her beyond what she can handle spitefully, does not test her limits every day and values her above everything, finds something worth more than rubies and obtains the favour of the Lord too.

I mentioned this to a friend of mine recently, that just because people are stressing you about marriage does not mean that you yourself are ready to be married.

Just because you can have children does not mean that you necessarily should. You owe everything you undertake the courtesy of adequate preparation. Every blessing. Every gift. Every new job.

Let me use this analogy, do you get a new car and just start driving it without learning first how to drive a car? No, because you need to learn how cars work. It’s the same thing with people. People are precious, more so than cars. Why don’t we take the time to study them first?

Those blessings that appear to you just when they are needed, those blessings. Those blessings that seem to come at just the right time. Those ones. You owe yourself the duty to prepare to receive them. To be worthy of them.

And I’m preparing. I just hope my future husband is as well.

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THE DAY AFTER 7/10

As I move further into my 20s, I find that I tend to feel happier the day after my birthday. The pressure to be visibly happy is reduced greatly as is the pressure to do things you’d rather never do for the sake of social media.

I’ve found that there tends to be so much pressure put on birthdays and it starts from childhood. I’m sure some of us can still remember the days of primary school when we’d share goody bags. And there was always that one person who had everything in their goody bags. So we’d go home and wonder why we didn’t have all that stuff in our goody bags and then resolve to change it up on our next birthdays. Except by then, the goalposts would have changed once again and the cycle and questions would continue, and the pressure would increase.

I don’t do well with pressure. It makes my heart race and gives me what I call pressure paralysis. It makes me feel extremely anxious like I’m back in Law School, up on stage in front of 5,000 people and I know what I’m supposed to say but the words won’t come out and I start having a panic attack.

I figured out a hack that has helped me greatly: if the pressure to do something a certain way is choking you, scrap that idea and do it another way.

My birthday was yesterday and I did nothing out of the ordinary. I had planned this birthday to the last second, I’d have 2 cakes, small chops, juice, I’d have professional pictures taken, I’d go out and turn up etc etc. And then on the week of, I noticed I had literally no energy to do anything towards that. So in the end, I did absolutely nothing. No cakes, no professional pictures, de nada.

What surprises me is the peace of mind I had yesterday. I’d bought small chops and asun for the ones who gave me life on Friday and I’d praised the One who made it worth living on the day of and there was no one and nothing for whom I had to pretend anything for. So relaxing.

It’s the day after my birthday today and what started out as a thank you post has now become an op-ed. 😊
Getting back to the purpose of this post, I’d like to say a HUGE thank you to my village. The people who stand by me every day, every time. My brothers, Olayinka, Ayomide, Joy, Fifi, Mobi, Tomi, Rukayat, Yanmife, Nedoux, Bisola, my cousins, my uncles, my aunties etc etc etc.

I’M SO GRATEFUL I GET TO DO LIFE WITH YOU ALL!

THE GRATITUDE CHALLENGE *whoop whoop*

Someone nominated me for a challenge recently, one nice young man named Immanuel who blogs here. Thank you Immanuel!

The person who nominated him is Oreofe of gracedmisfits. I remember visiting her blog a couple of times, here. I remember her as an awesome blogger. Below are her rules as lifted from Immanuel’s blog:

“I’m to write five things I’m grateful for, display a picture of gratitude – a picture of something simple that makes me smile and then nominate 5 other people for the challenge. I’m really fascinated by the idea of a picture of gratitude. In her words “It is not an opportunity to show off how rich you are. Let it be something that is simple (and inexpensive) yet a blessing.”

I did a 7 day gratitude challenge once on Facebook. Pictures everyday and you’d have to say 3 things you were grateful for that day. Incidentally, Day 4 was when I found out I had failed my Bar Finals, that first time. Then the challenge became clearer to me. It was God asking, “Will you still thank me even when it seems like everything is upside down?”

This was what I wrote that day:

{THE GRATITUDE CHALLENGE
DAY FOUR
1. I thank God for everyone I love who loves me back.
2. I thank God for good news as well as bad.
3. And I thank God for his promises which never change and never fail.
Thank you Lord! }

And then I cried and cried and cried some more. And played “Praise you in this Storm”- Casting Crowns on repeat.

But this year, God proved himself over and above. I held on to HIS promises- Isaiah 61:7, Isaiah 50:7, Isaiah 3:10. Jeremiah 29:11 and HE DID NOT FAIL.

So, without further prevarication, these are five things I am so very grateful for:

  1. My Family: My “little” cousin is currently lying down on my bed, playing with her phone. She takes up more than half my bed space and quite often, I have had to push her legs off so I can perch at the edge of my bed. Is it a perfect situation? Definitely not. But she and I are close. When we were younger, her arrival always meant I would have to surrender my love of eating alone, my love for privacy (we used to bathe together and use the toilet at the same time) and my bed. Still, I adore my Chaychi and she adores me, I think. And so I’m thankful for her, as a representative of every member of my family.
  2. My Friends: The other day, I was walking on the road and I met an old friend. We had lunch, laughed and went our separate ways to meet some other day. I am not, never have been the friendliest person. Or the most approachable. But still, some people have maintained friendships with me. Have called when I determinedly had my head buried in the sand, have hugged me when I was bristling insane, have written confessions for me to recite when I felt manic, have stayed when I punched them with my words. Thanks.
  3. For my house slippers: i have used this pair for close to 3 years. It has stopped me from sliding on wet floors. From tripping over my own legs.From breaking my teeth and the metal accoutrements on it. Thank you dear slippers.
  4. For the water tanks in our house: We don’t have a borehole. So we rely on the Lagos State Water Corporation. And 40% of the time, they’re great. Clean, clear water that doesn’t smell. It is the other 60% of the time when they seize water for times ranging from 3 hours to 6 months, that I’m grateful we have water tanks to draw from.
  5. For my Bible- What better way to reach God than through his Word? For the Psalms, For the book of Isaiah, For the Gospels. For all the different Bibles I’ve had over the years (and the people who bought most of them), the verses I’ve memorized, the verses that have cut me to the quick,my current Blackaby Study Bible, I thank YOU.
Devotional (Joni Eareckson Tada- Diamonds in the Dust, 1993) and Blackaby Study Bible
Devotional (Joni Eareckson Tada- Diamonds in the Dust, 1993) and Blackaby Study Bible
It's Ugly and Blond which I have a latent issue with, but it's mine and it is symbolic. Thank You Lord!
It’s Ugly and Blond which I have a latent issue with, but it’s mine, symbolic and I’m very thankful for what it symbolizes. Thank You Lord!

In turn, I would like to nominate the following bloggers for this challenge-

  1. Eziaha- http://www.eziaha.com
  2. Chinedu- http://www.nedoux.com
  3. Adaeze- http://www.chynanu.wordpress.com, http://www.chynanu.blogspot.com
  4. Dr. N- http://www.drnsmusings.wordpress.com
  5. David Brian Paley- http://www.vancouvervisions.com
  6. Timi-  www.livelytwist.com

What are you grateful for this week?

1st Thessalonians 5:18- In all things give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.

Also, I want to invite you to a concert- Joshuaville, Night of Worship, 20th of November, 2015. Fidelity Bank Open ground, Oba Idowu Oniru Street, off the Palms(Shoprite) Road, Lekki.
Say you’ll come please!