In my sojourn here on earth, it quickly came to my knowledge that I am asked mostly the same questions whenever I go anywhere. These are the questions in list format and my responses to them. And, as I am vain enough to want some attention on this blog, I intend to direct all future questioners my age and slightly upwards, to this page for any further clarifications. To wit, the questions:
1. Obianuju? Aren’t you Yoruba?
Answer: No, I’m not.
2. Are you sure you’re not Yoruba?
Answer: I am very sure. I am full 100% Igbo.
3. Are you very sure….?
Answer: Yes I am very sure. And right now, you’re pissing me off. A high cheekbone does not automatically mean I’m Yoruba. A darker skin shade and persons of Igbo descent are not mutually exclusive. My look is a modified reincarnation of my grandmother’s and I dare you to ask again.
4. Is there something in your eye?
5. I think there might be something wrong with your eye. Or is that your natural eye colour?
Answer: (Mischievous) Yes it is.
6. Are you sure? Because it really looks like there is something in your eye…
Answer: There is no thing in my eye. The something of which you speak is called a contact lens. I have one in both eyes. I will admit that vanity caused me to get them in a different colour, but for all intents and purposes, they are my eyeglasses.
7. Is it hard to put on and off?
Answer: As with most things, the beginning was a little hard. But now, I’ve gotten used to it and I can even wear them without use of a mirror.
8. Do they irritate your eyes?
Answer: Sometimes they do. If I’ve been wearing them for too long; if the solution is expired and if I need to sleep.
9. Let me see how they look…
Answer: Like this-
Answer: Yes I can. But it is not advised.
11. Can you speak Yoruba?
Answer: No, I cannot.
12. But you grew up here (Lagos)? Why can’t you?
Answer: (A shrug).
13. Can you speak any language other than English?
14. What did you put on your teeth?
Answer: They are called braces. I got them to help straighten my teeth.
15. Can you even cook? You look very fragile…
Answer: Yes, I can.
16. Are you sure?
Answer: Yes, I’m sure.
17. How old are you?
Answer: None of your business.
18. Are you the writer/ writing for Inbetweenpeople?
Answer: Our history is long and complicated. Truth is stranger than fiction. But right now? I am not.
19. But you share a name. And the designation before it; “Hrh” is part of your Twitter handle….
Answer: For many years my nickname was OBJ. The designation is on a stubborn whim and I have not trademarked it.
20. How do you intend to run your blogs together?
Answer: Our blogs are not together.We don’t want to transfer the blog again so we are going to use it together. She’ll have the WordPress account. I can make my replies using Facebook/ Twitter. (Fortunately, I don’t have to).
21. You are very quiet. Very boring. Why?
Answer: Still waters run deep…
22. You’re studying law? Why? Don’t you know lawyers are liars?
Answer: Lying is a character trait. It is neither trademarked nor traceable to any one profession.
23. Will you defend me if I am arrested?
Answer: As long as you pay me.
24. You hardly talk. Are you sure you want to be a lawyer?
Answer: My roommates and friends would tell you different. Besides, law is about problem solving. Litigation, a branch of law, is about processes and sometimes about talking. Talking is a miniscule aspect of law.
25. Why do you drink so much water?
Answer: I was a camel in my former life.
26. Why is your body hot?
Answer: I am a warm-blooded animal.
27. Insearchofperfecthair? Are men allowed into this blog?
Answer: Yes, they are. It is greatly encouraged that they come.
28. I thought you were a slow eater. Why are you eating so fast?
Answer: Because I don’t want to listen to you anymore.