I kept a pen for 6 years and other short stories

I kept a pen for six years…

I have a fascination with unusual pens, whether their unusualness is color related, the place I got it from or the shape. I have a pen shaped like a toy car. And basically everything most people lose often, I have a tendency to keep for ages. Bobby pins; I’ve had my current pair for 3 years. Hair bands, nail cutters, hair decorations, there are some in my room that my mom has threatened to toss out. They’ve been with me for a long long long while. Think 11 years and above.

The point, a colleague of mine received a green pen from a customer and after a while, she forgot it at home. Now I had a green pen too. So we were hanging out after work and she mentioned that I’d taken her green pen. Lol. I then fully explained all the differences between my green pen and her green pen and then I ended with the statement, “Don’t test me oh, I’ve kept one pen for 6 years before.” I had indeed, from age 12 – 18 only ending once my pen bag was filched, probably because of the N1000 I’d taken to keeping there. But as a lesson to everyone who has a pen similar to mine, “do not test me oh, I’ve kept pens for 6 years” and not for lack of usage too. 😊👏👏 I’m clapping for myself.

DiCS personality testing

So in one of my bank’s training sessions, the facilitator had a breakdown of this personality test and she explained that dominant personality types are drivers, result oriented people who don’t particularly care if they hurt your feelings, how they look etc etc. I know some dominant people. Influential people are the kind who care, who’ll take the time to explain why while making you feel like the choice is completely yours but you’d definitely want to do as they say because you see the benefits. And then she explained C and S. Cautious/conscientious (prone to reading everything before signing or agreeing (I’ve read the terms and conditions of quite a few online agreements, think 60 pages of small print), have unbreakable, sometimes unreasonable routines, conscientious people really really don’t want problems and they look for lots of ways to not get in trouble; and Steadiness. I was listening to the personality traits she described and I was like, Uju, this is so you. And then she said, everyone has little bits of all these personalities but the difference is the ones they exhibit constantly. Imagine someone being a C and an S in one body. Basically me. Chai. Chim o. I almost burst into nervous laughter. I’m a bloody hero guys. I’m a super hero. I’ll sign autographs for you as long as you feed me for an entire day day. And I eat, a lot. 😊

P. S- I have absolutely no idea why the I is always in non capital. I completely forgot what the opposite of capital letters is. I just remembered, it is Small letters.

John Oliver- Last week tonight

Please take some time out to watch this show. It’s crazy funny and very very informative. See,

This is my rule, ignore it

I wrote on a previous post, that I’d stop reading blog posts if the blogger didn’t reply comments I’d left on their posts. So here’s an amendment and an apology; shit happens. I realize that lots of people have commitments to more than just me and I’m cool with that. I don’t like it at all. But if I like a blog and leave a comment and I’m not replied to, I’m cool. It’s very peaceful not caring too much about crap like that.

Jevinik Place: A review

Went out with a friend today. I suggested Jevinik and he agreed. I had to be at work by 7am and we were to meet by 2. So I was quite hungry by then. Remember, I like food and Jevinik is known for its huge portions.

I ordered Abacha and my friend ordered pounded yam and vegetable soup. And then I ordered Nkwobi to go.

Things to note, you had to order your sides separately. Basically, my friend had to order goat meat separately. My Abacha was good. I had to answer questions about Abacha and what it was and by the time I was done, I was exhausted. Also, my abacha came with zero “encouragement”, zero “motivation”. I had to pick out my friend’s dry fish and munch. I didn’t know you had to order sides separately.

P.s: I didn’t know I was going to do this review until halfway through my food. So there are no full pictures. Sorry.

Then there was the bottle of water we did not ask for which the waiter gave us. A confused order perhaps. But still. I’d ordered the abacha as a starter but in the end, it was starter, main course and dessert. I have a tendency to overestimate my appetite. Adaeze can tell you. We had fresh juice, as the waiter called it. He did not make a distinction as to what the fruit was but, come close 😳 it was pineapple juice with lots of foam. You’re welcome. The prices were fair, except I just noticed that the price of the goat meat was more than the price of the soup. Lol.

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Everything considered, including the 10 minute power outage, I give the place a 3.5/5 star rating.

P. S- Thank you so much dear for being the kind of person whose food I can grab and chew without shame. Thank you for the long ass walking tour and everything else.

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Rounding Up and Running Away

I started both my blogs for me. For myself. I started the original blog as a compromise to an urge to be sociable, something I knew from experience that I could not execute for really long periods of time. 

There were not so many people I felt comfortable showing my real face to. And that was okay. It meant that I treasured the friendships I formed, but it also meant that I needed incredible amounts of downtime from people. 

The original blog was my way of being sociable, but on my own terms. That’s why I kept myself anonymous. That’s also why I started this blog.

While my old blog was my concession to sociability on my own terms i.e. being anonymous, this blog is my concession to my personality. That’s why one of the first things I ever posted was My Multiple Person Disorder. An explanation of sorts to you. The old blog was started by Obi. This one was started and is run by Obianuju. That’s why this is the blog I care about most. That’s why this is the blog I promote more. Because this blog is a reflection of myself and my personality in its entirety. And vain though it might seem, I want it to get all the accolades and admiration due it. And me.

But there was something I didn’t quite bargain for. I didn’t bargain on meeting people just like me, facing the exact challenges, and constant monsters I faced. Laughing at the not so funny things I laughed at, chalking it up to my weird sense of humor. If I have a weird sense of humor, then I’m in good company. I didn’t expect to find friends, even substitute big sisters. But I’m glad I found them and I’m glad my relationship with them is growing.

I present to you one of the most amazing and greatest writers of our generation. 

This is not an exaggeration. 

Adaezenwa constantly blows me away with the quality of the content she posts. I’ve never read a blog post of hers and come out without thinking, laughing, crying or humming. She is also a tremendously amazing human being and I hope she knows that. Because it’s difficult to recognize sometimes that you are amazing. That you are loved. That you are worthy of praise and envy and admiration. 

But even if she may not recognize it from time to time, that’s what I’m here for. Because that’s what friends are for. Because friends remind you of you.

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By the way, 👇👇👇👇 is one of my favorite verses in the Bible. From Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. Please take some time to meditate on it.

9. Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor; 

10. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!
11. Again, if two lie down together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone?
12. And though a man might prevail against him who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Meditate on the passage, guys and eliminate all friendships that don’t conform. 

Because life is too long to have useless/ bad friendships. – Obianuju Ayalogu

I convinced Adaezenwa to write a post for me. It’s the first time she’ll be appearing on my blog, so show her some love everybody! 👏👏👏. 

By the way, she is currently a contestant in a writing competition and needs as many votes as possible to win. Please read the story, and if you love it, like I’m sure you will, click on the blue heart in top of the story to vote. Read and vote here 👉 http://sgnt.media/home/clash-of-the-titans/kolanut-palava-ezeada-ezenwa/. 

Thank you!

And now, without further ado; her contribution.

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When I was a child there were many times I wanted to run away from home, I’d even selected my running away clothes- my blue t-shirt that had a beach scene at the top half and white and black horizontal stripes on the bottom half, my yellow skirt that was excellent for twirling, my red top canvas boots  with the blue trousers and blue shirt that went with it (I saw a picture of me in that outfit recently with my trousers hitched to my chest like an aspiring palmwine tapper) and my favourite pyjamas which was an ivory and red flower printed concoction of perfection. 

I never did run away, even with all the annoyances that came with being my parents’ child (they put the over in overprotective) and the call of wild adventure in my blood that came from the children’s books I read (my aunt brought bags full of Canadian children’s books from her boss who was a Rotary club chapter president). For one thing I had no idea how I’d survive despite how easy it seemed in those books, I (wisely, in retrospect) decided that Canadian methods might fail me in Nigeria but I didn’t stop dreaming of grand adventure, I still do. 

Growing up is the biggest scam, you think when you get bigger and have freedom then you get to do the things you want, when you want to and however freaking way you want to. Life sits at a corner and laughs like a maniac as the child that was you plots a better life. If that isn’t your story then you are extremely lucky and you have got to show me your BaBa… 

The urge to run away still lives in me, this time it is almost as strong as my need for oxygen. I want to go away, far from home, from my many problems, from unfulfilled expectations and disappointing realities and most of all this crushing recession that makes the Naira almost become attractive for use as tissue paper… yes I said it. I want to leave Nigeria for a country I have not decided on yet but the United States- yes even with Trump as president, Canada (for all the books I read as a child and their superior educational system for Adaeze jnr and her siblings) and Ireland (because I was an Irish storyteller and pub owner in another life…) as top contenders. 

I was talking to Obianuju about it on WhatsApp, about the options I want to explore that would make emigration possible. One strong reason for my wanting to leave is that the things I want to do with my writing and pharmacy are not feasible in Nigeria, plus the access to better management of PCOS makes me want to leave so bad. Unfortunately due to the downward slide of the naira, it is getting harder and harder to even make such plans- a real catch-22 situation. 

“Write about it and send it to me” she ordered… 
And I began to write. 

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Article Recommendation

http://minimalbelle.com/2016/11/15/five-tips-for-the-workplace/- Not because she followed me. Because it’s so true!

http://www.hattylolla.com/2016/10/how-to-use-vision-board-to-get-whatever.html?m=1 – It’s a really good article. Lots of tips to implement.