In keeping with our promise to teach you better:
1. There was an episode of Drake and Josh that I both loved and hated. In the episode, (Who’s Got Game) Drake and Josh bet to see who can win more dates.

In the episode, Josh’s stepmother is called in to help and she gives some pretty great advice: to get a girl’s attention, give her a compliment, THEN WALK AWAY.

Have you ever been complimented? It’s awesome, especially when you are having a horrible day. It brings a ray of sunshine to your face, makes you smile and puts a skip in your step. Especially when the “complimenter” does not seem to want to get anything from you in return.

This causes you to get curious about them. There’s a movie about this- The Perfect Holiday, where this hypothesis is put in practice. Result: Watch the Movie to find out.
But trust me, you do NOT want to be locked in a car with someone who is err, complimenting you too much 😐.

2.ย  Find out her interests:

So you like this lady. But you cannot string sentences together when you’re near her. Not even to give her a compliment. Do you give up? No sirree!
You go fishing. She has interests, likes certain kinds of music, wears certain jewellery. Do your research.
N.B- Nothing in this post promotes the stalking of any individuals. Reader Discretion is advised!ย  ๐Ÿ™‚

3. Approach her-

When I was growing up, there was this really sad (and funny) story about one boy and one girl. Friends since forever, she was his mumu button presser but asking the girl out was war. Eventually, auntie started dating some dude. On the wedding day, oga finally found his voice. Of course she said no. Started talking about how she’s being waiting years since for him to simply ASK HER OUT. And when he didn’t, she *sniff sniff* began dating some rock legend/Adonis and it was too late for them now.The post sickened me for 2 reasons-
a. He GREW UP WITH HER. How shy can you be? Seriously. You’ve known this chicka since you was both in diapers and still you can’t ask her out? You could get a job, you could get a car, but simply writing a note, making a call na wetin dey hard you.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Read this for more perspective.

b. While I believe girls should be asked out and not be the ones doing the asking, when you have a friend and the 2 of you have caught feelings, take the chance! Tell that dude you like him today.

4. Don’t be a bother:

I cannot stress this one enough. Some dudes be there calling by 3am every blessed day. Give her some time to miss you. I like good guys. I like to see the good guys get the girl. But sometimes, girls need space. Don’t be all over her, asking where she’s been and who she’s been with. There’s a distinction between loving someone and (impending) emotional abuse. Don’t be an emotional abuser today. GIVE THAT GIRL SOME SPACE!

5. Don’t be improper:

People keep trying to justify themselves as to why girls should take care of them. A personal “favourite” is the rote/ paraphrased recitation of Isaiah 4:1. Look that up in your bibles!
So you followed steps 1 to 4. You’re now on a date with her. When the bill comes, do you sit down and watch her pay? Or if you pay, do you expect some sort of compensation from her? Think about it. “Hanging out” with friends is different from a date. On a date, I expect him to act like a gentleman. That includes paying and taking me back to wherever he picked me up from safely and in one piece. With my friends, it wouldn’t matter. We could split the bill and I would not even care if there were men there. Because we are FRIENDS.

6. How do you talk to girls? Treat them? Trust me, no girl wants to be treated like a prostitute or talked to like a maid. So if you’re not sure about it, ask a female friend how they felt when they met you the first time. Also, if you’re the kind to jostle a girl so you can “tap current”, stop that stupidity, that idiocy today. We hate that shit.

7. This one is a personal pet peeve of mine: Do not for any reason try to toast me calling me sister. I am NOT your sister! I know my brothers. I know my surrogate brothers. I know my adopted brothers. Calling me sister anywhere but church irritates me terribly. Other things to be classified under this heading include getting really close to my family or friends, hoping I’d feel closer to you. You’d be choking me. Offering me “bribes” so I would like you? Re-read Number 4.
Toasting- A Nigerian slang for asking a girl out.
Mumu button- The love trigger, usually closely linked with doing stupid things for someone.
Mumu button presser- the object of the aforementioned affection.
Chicka- a slang for lady/girl/female.
“Tap current” – An activity where a person gets “pleasure” of a sexual nature from touching a girl, usually a random girl inappropriately.
Think I covered everything? Missed a few? Let me know. Drop a comment.