Happy Thursdays Week 16

So Trump won the election yesterday and Nigerian Twitter exploded in wails. I might write a post on what I think later but I don’t plan to post it on here. 
All you need to know is that whether Trump or Hillary had become president of America, the so called “leaders of the free world” (fantastic slogan though, America 👍), nothing changes the fact that God is on the throne, constantly looking out for his beautiful, precious kiddies. 
Everything go dey alright. Breathe!


But I’d scheduled this blog post for today before I even realized it was the day after the elections. And seeing the results, I think it’s time I put on my happy girl, growing-Christian- girl- giving- testimonies- hat and shifted your focus for a little while.

Y’all ready? Awesome.

ONE

 I took a bike on the 26th of October to meet an “urgent” appointment. Straddling the bike, this car, from nowhere seemingly, while reversing almost toppled the bike over and crushed my knee.

But God was looking out for his baby girl. Right before impact, the car stopped. The okada guy was about to start berating the driver when I gave the car a solid but ultimately ineffective whack and told him to drive on. #notimetowitnesspointlessargumentsbiko

I’m just glad my knee wasn’t crushed. 

PS 1: Also people, do not call people to come urgently if you know you’re going to make them wait for thirty minutes afterwards under the hot sun. I hate that nonsense.

TWO

If you read the last thing I posted on here, you know that it’s in my nature to be nice. But I’m working on not being so nice anymore, it’s like a signal to people “see this one here, come and take advantage”.

The thing is, niceness is in my nature. It’s what I’m most comfortable with. My default setting. So now, I try to be low key nice. Low key because if you’re highkey nice, people will flock, take advantage and leave you so bitter and angry, you recoil at the taste for years. 

Amyway, back to the point, when I had to go for my CDS clearance, I noticed that the keke who’d picked me was only carrying me. So I decided to be his conductor and I called passengers for him until he had a full napep. 

Then getting closer to our destination, I noticed that he was taking me directly to the NYSC secretariat instead of stopping me at Bode Thomas, I told him to stop so I could get down. I’d had a bad experience with napeps taking you on journeys against your loudly expressed will and fully expecting you to pay them for, in effect, falsely imprisoning you.

There was another corper in the napep. And when I told the man to stop, he told me to calm down. I was already looking through my wallet for the complete fare to Bode Thomas (the Napeps charge an extra #30 to drop you at the NYSC secretariat). Barracks to Bode Thomas is usually N70. I was going to only pay him N70. I’d told him to stop, no?

When he stopped me in front of the secretariat, I gave him N150 for the both of us. He gave me back N50 and told me that although he knew he’d made me angry, he wasn’t going to let me walk when I was the one who called passengers for him. Gobsmacked, once again. And he gave the other girl a pass on the fare, because she and I were talking and he didn’t want to upset me. I was so humbled! I got off the napep with such an awesome feeling of wellbeing and the feeling of being highly valued.

PS 2- I am indeed quite well aware that there exists no such word as highkey. If in fact there is a chart depicting levels of niceness, there would be more than 2 options and highkey and low key would not be the names of the markers either. But they are the names of my markers and they work well. For me.

THREE

I am very thankful that God prevented me from hitting someone with a car yesterday. When I started driving, I begged God not to let me kill, hurt or maim anyone. Yesterday, he answered. And I’m more than grateful. Pray for me, please. Pray for my driving also.

PSA: Do not ever drive when you’re tired or sleepy. Ever. Bad stuff will happen. You’ll miss signs, forget what you need to do or hurt someone. More people driving when tired/sleepy get into crashes than people who drive drunk. Do not ever drive tired or sleepy.

FOUR

My friends just welcomed a bouncing, cute, gorgeous little girl recently, Her name is Oluwasemiloore Ajijola and she is so gorgeous you can’t believe it. Congratulations guys!

Oluwasemiloore Ajijola, we love you!

Their wedding inspired one of my oldest posts

FIVE

So, on the day of my POP (passing out parade), I aimed to get there super early because I wanted to get my certificate and return home to do something else I’d had slated.

I got to Berger, got on a bus to Iyana Ipaja. It was N250 but given that it had been N200 last year and they removed subsidy this year, that was not a red flag. I got on the bus, paid my fare and sat down. From previous experience, I knew the NYSC secretariat was a bus stop along the road so I checked my WhatsApp, Twitter and other social media, started reading a Wattpad novel etc. He called stops for passengers but until he called a stop called Ajegunle, I wasn’t particularly interested. I didn’t remember much about Iyana Ipaja from last year but I was quite sure there was no stop called Ajegunle. Still he kept on driving and reasoning that he might be taking another route, I stayed on.

Then when the last bus stop was announced and I got off the bus, I found out that I was in Ipaja, Ogun State. 😐

I explained my predicament to the driver who laughed his head off at me but told me to get back into the bus as he was going to Iyana Ipaja next.

When I finally got to Iyana Ipaja and collected my certificate of discharge, I hung around with Chima for a while and then with my friend Chinyere. I said hello to a former pastor of mine, at the Oasis. He’d brought his 8 month pregnant wife to the camp to collect her certificate.

When I determined to leave, I almost fell. Now, I have recurrent episodes of hypoglycemia and the main symptom of it in my body is dizziness. Incredible dizziness. And then incredible tiredness. I went over to a guy selling yoghurt (to increase my blood sugar levels) and brought out my money to pay but he kept right on wasting my time so I got a chair and went to sit under a canopy. Every part of my body was tingling (my body was trying to compensate by pumping blood faster) and I had to close my eyes because it looked like everywhere was spinning. Even under the canopy, the sun was still hot, I desperately wanted to remove the crested vest because the collar was choking my neck. So I did something I usually wouldn’t; I asked for help.

I went over to my former pastor and I asked him if he could drop me off somewhere where I could get a bus directly to Berger. He said okay and directed me back to my seat until his wife finished her clearance. Then, explaining the situation to his wife, they agreed I’d come with them. And they did not drop me at a stop where I could get a bus to Berger, they dropped me at Berger itself. New Garage to be precise. 

For people who lived in Lekki, this was over- and- beyond nice. Wherever you guys are, thank you. Thank you so incredibly much. May God bless you abundantly and remember this always in your favour.

(PS: I got a doughnut almost immediately afterwards to increase my blood sugar levels.)

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ARTICLE RECOMMENDATIONS

http//hopesdiaries.com/2016/10/18/the-god-of-all-comfort/- Very lovely article.

To the Girl Who’s “Too Nice”: You Can Be Kind and Be Strong

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ANNOUNCEMENT

Chinedu will be having a sewing club programne on the 19th of November. You can buy for yourself, your friends and family. Even boys will like it.
Details in the picture 👇👇👇. Just make that call or send that email. Thank you.

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Happy Thursday Week 15

ONE
In my new church, something I wholly admire are the welfare programs they regularly hold. From clothes, to education and food, everything is covered by the welfare department. And every once in a while, we have the health challenges of a member brought to the attention of the church for contributions to be made if for instance the person cannot afford the cost.
Last week Sunday, in the church, the case of someone who’d been involved in an accident where his kidneys and bladder were affected was brought to the attention of the congregation.They’d fundraised for him before but ongoing medical and miscellaneous costs had halved the money. A spot had been found for him to have surgery but they needed N600,000.00 in addition to the half left, to pay the doctor who was to perform the surgery.
Donation boxes were about to be passed. But while I was debating with myself as to how much to donate, someone donated all of it. All N600,000.00 (Six Hundred Thousand naira (only!) of it.
To be honest, I was happy and so relieved as well. My mind attaches to the oddest things, and I know, that if the donation had run for about 2 weeks, I might have done something I’d regret later, like given away all my savings again. But lucky for all parties, I didn’t have to. Just say a prayer for that person, please. It was such an uplifted moment in the church when his/her donation was announced.May God bless you whomever and wherever you are. May He cause His face to shine upon you and heal you and give you peace.

TWO

Last week Friday was the 22nd anniversary of my first birthday. That’s my over complicated way of saying I turned 23.

 No you can’t have any cake, I ate it all. But if I see any comments asking for *cake, be rest assured that I will ask for my birthday present in return. Quid pro quo, nay?

I didn’t post the birthday list thing like I did last year, because I realized at the #Blassion event, that I really don’t like people knowing all that much about me when I don’t know all that much about them. So, peace out. If inclined, please leave a birthday blessing for me in the comments. Thank you.

*Cake- Not excluding food, drinks, ice cream, all the lacha lacha associated with birthdays. It was last week. It’s been eaten, digested and err…

THREE

Story story….

So, I love eating abacha. Mad love it. It ranks among my top fave foods in fact. But after one super disastrous attempt making abacha for myself some years back, I started buying it. 

My dad would tell me on the regs, “Uju, buy this thing and make it at home. You can’t trust the process of the cooking of food vendors” and I’ll be like “It’s not like anyone has died from eating abacha outside. Even if I purge, maximum 2 days, and I’ll be a-ok.” (Not quite so specific but, you get the gist).

Until 5 people died from eating abacha. As it happens, I was in the car with my dad when they announced a cholera outbreak had killed 5 human beings. 5! All of whom had eaten abacha. 

I thank God my stupid pride did not cause my name to appear in the list of dead people. Thank God for me if you would, please?

Also, is anyone willing to make me a large container of abacha? I saw one woman selling some on my way to court yesterday and but for God…

FOUR
So one dude called me yesterday. He knew I was a lawyer. He asked if my “lawyering” extended to supply contracts. 

Sure, I replied and then he started giving me some very detailed instructions. Now, I was at the Ministry of Lands when I got that call and while I could hear him, I couldn’t be sure I’d remember, so I asked him to please send a text explaining exactly what he wanted me to do. 

He sent the text, giving me the number of someone to inquire about something from. 

Now, major red flags:

1. He said he knew me. I did not know HIM.

2. Why can’t you inquire about something by yourself? This was not something only a lawyer could ask. It was a basic transaction. Buyer and seller. What is my business?

3. What is my business? I make sure not to assume the worst about people right off the bat because that won’t get me far. But come on! I may be slow, but I’m certainly not stupid. You ask me to represent you, tell me someone will call me to give me money, you need me to inquire about something for you, something you can inquire for yourself. And I felt weird.

So I reverted to the lawyering failsafe; if you want me to represent you, you and I need to draft a contract which you will sign (I’d have insisted on seeing some identification as well), authorizing me to act on your behalf for a set fee. 

If I’d had any doubts that I was persecuting an innocent man, they ended when he swiftly said that he and I couldn’t do business if that was the prerequisite. 

Money is great, honestly. But I’m not about to entangle myself in something illegal or get scammed cos I don’t have patience. No. Everything good will come. At the right time. And it won’t make me feel weird. 

And to buttress my rationalizations, I got another, above board opportunity that same afternoon. 

Yay God!

FIVE

Although NYSC is not over for me as yet, I’m leaving my boss tomorrow!

I’m not going to go into details (yet), but I will tell you that I am so excited to be leaving and at the same time, super sad. 

But I’m leaving my boss tomorrow! 

Thank you God. For a successful completion. Because it will be successful. I did not steal, did not cheat, I was above board in everything I did. And I can’t wait to pack all my stuff and go buy shawarma. 

Thank God for me peoples! Praise God for me.

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Author’s Note- I’m sorry if this offends anyone’s sensibilities, but what the heck is wrong with Trump? What? 

And Bubu, I get that you have laser vision for stamping out corruption and while the DSS’ actions are legal, why now? And, what are you trying to distract us from?

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Birthday Edition Wattpad Recommendations

😉

Laura Jardine’s books- The Mechanic’s New Girl especially and all the others too. Really short books. I beg you, na beg I dey beg una, make una no read any book by this author anywhere people go dey look una. 

She funny well well. You go laugh. For me it’s not a problem, laughter is an integral part of my personality. I’m quirky, happy and lovable. That’s my “brand”, those are my characteristics. 

Take me Home- Blissom. Wow. This book was insanely good, I forced my eyes open all night to finish reading it. Wow!

Cell Phone Swap- Lindsay Summers/donotmicrowave.

 I’m making a sandwich. Two funny books at the edges and a serious one as the middle. This book is so funny, I crilaughed. It’s funny but it addresses some serious issues. I really, really, really can’t recommend this book enough.

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Birthday Article Recommendations 😉 (yes I know I’m milking it. Don’t be jelly *tongue in*)

http://chynanu.wordpress.com/2016/01/09/fear-will-always-fade/ – Evergreen.

http://www.sabinews.com/no-i-not-suffering-child-tope-owolabi/- Precisely.

http://brittneyamoses.com/i-dont-know-what-to-read-in-the-bible/- So simple, it’s thought provoking.