Yesterday was not the best day of my life. Of all the various forms of sexual assault and harassment, I hate random street sexual assault the most.
It defies logical explanation. I suspect this is because it is not logical. How else, does one explain a random fucktard, an agbero and yesterday, a mad man stretching out their filthy hands and touching my breast? (and marking me. The mad idiot had a red marker and he marked me)
Yesterday, I wanted to kill someone. I imagined in detail dismembering the bastard. Then I got depressed. Very depressed.
My body knows when I’m upset. It begins to crave the usual, the familiar. So I went home, had a bath, made lunch. Then I started crying. Then i said a prayer. Then I cleaned my eyes, started reading a novel that made me comfortable. Then I started crying again. Then I napped, woke up. Played with the dog. Watched some Telemundo. Then I went back into my room to attend a class in an online course I’m taking.
Then Obi and Anu began to fight.
Anu: The last time this happened, you started looking for a pen knife. Continue the search! Or take the small knife in the kitchen.
Obi: It happened so fast! What do you expect me to do if it happens again? Chase him and stab him? Can you imagine the headline?
Anu: If there’s a headline, you can defend yourself. You saw how many people saw it happen and did absolutely nothing. Why the fuck should they step in when you decide to take revenge?
Obi: Because a marker is not a deadly weapon. A knife can kill.
Anu: Exactly why you need one.
Obi: What if I stab someone by mistake. What do we do then?
Anu: You need to talk to someone. You know how you get if you don’t say anything.
Obi: Who will I talk to? There’s no way I can say anything to daddy, he’ll just feel bad and buy me Shortbread or Hobnobs. And I can’t talk to my friends. They’ll just say eiya and start telling me to calm down.
Anu: Joy will probably laugh and make you laugh too.
Obi: Joy might laugh or get upset. Anyway, they both have a ton of stuff on their plates now. I’m not going to tell them anything.
Anu: You could do with some Shortbread sha.
Obi: The shortbread we bought a month ago, have we started eating it?
Anu: Fine. But just imagine the joy you would feel knifing that arm.
And then, I had a pleasurable fantasy of beating the shit out of the fucking bastard.
Then I started crying again.
You might not know this, but when stuff like this happens, I begin to question EVERYTHING. Every decision I’ve made. Every blessed thing I’ve ever done. How? How am I supposed to bring a child into this world when they’re not safe? When there’s danger every bloody place you look? When some rat bastard can decide to pinch his/her breast, mark his/her body and go talk to someone else. How? Then I cried again and read a couple of blogs. Adaezenwa has a new post up of her Pendulum series. Please go check it out.
This morning I woke up, feeling a little better. I wore my largest earrings (the more upset I feel, the larger the earrings, mostly) and set off for work. I’ve broken down in tears more than once today. But not just because of this.
NIGERIA HAS ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT FOR ITS GIRLS AND ITS WOMEN. NOT A WHIT!
Ese Oruru. The girls that were kidnapped in Chibok, in Ikorodu. Two girls were kidnapped in Ahmadu Bello University a while back. I retweeted it. Two days ago, I asked the person who posted the original tweet if they’d been found. And they had been. Dead, with body parts harvested.
It appears that these days, abducting girls is the best thing for criminals.
Less than an hour ago, Twitter erupted in another debate on rape and of course, some people, men and women came out, talking about how if girls dressed modestly, they wouldn’t be raped. I started crying again.
While I confess to being hurt, upset and depressed that someone could violate me in public and leave me with no course of action, I’m even more depressed that some people believe that if i had say, been wearing a hijab, it wouldn’t have happened.
Still, I’m regrouping. I won’t commit suicide over this. If I do, i won’t be able to play my part in reversing the mess this country is in.
And God knows I need to. So I drew my strength from Romans 8:31- 35. And I’ll live and fight another day.
Romans 8: 31 – 35 (Amplified Version)
31 What then shall we say to [all] this? If God is for us, who [can be] against us? [Who can be our foe, if God is on our side?]
32 He who did not withhold or spare [even] His own Son but gave Him up for us all, will He not also with Him freely and graciously give us all [other] things?
33 Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect [when it is] God Who justifies [that is, Who puts us in right relation to Himself? Who shall come forward and accuse or impeach those whom God has chosen? Will God, Who acquits us?]
34 Who is there to condemn [us]? Will Christ Jesus (the Messiah), Who died, or rather Who was raised from the dead, Who is at the right hand of God actually pleading as He intercedes for us?
35 Who shall ever separate us from Christ’s love? Shall suffering and affliction and tribulation? Or calamity and distress? Or persecution or hunger or destitution or peril or sword?
My best friend’s dad will be up later today.