WEDDINGS

I just want to state that ever since my cousin got married in 2012, I’ve loved Weddings. Not with the devotion of Jane in 27 Dresses, but pretty close.

Before then, I guess I was too young to understand them. Or in my subconscious, I resented being dragged into it, especially the sly manner in which intending brides, (and grooms) got money off my parents by including me in their wedding plans as an extra(oh the horror!), quite unwanted “Little Bride” or as a much- too- young bridesmaid.
That having been said, let us delve into the true reason I love weddings. No, it’s not the food. Not the small chops. It’s the PEOPLE.
Going to weddings, especially at the Receptions, sitting down, you can see so many people, ranging from the-
i. Soon to be married: usually waving her finger, to show off her ring and calm any would- be-judgmental hearts, or has a fella clutching her to keep her close/ preventing her from getting up AND increasing the sweat stains on her dress, or the likelihood of, by keeping a meaty arm over her shoulders and entering uninvited into her conversations; to the rest, as following:
ii. The ones who WANT to be married/to plan a wedding – spend a lot of the time looking around the décor, changing colours in their heads, adjusting playlists, it’s so obvious from their gaze that there’s a leather bound, dog-eared Filofax lying in their house that’d come out as soon as they reached home. Plus, if they were male, you’d see their eyes following every girl, or, specific parts of their anatomy, whether or not they’re of an age for marriage.
iii. The ones who just came for the food- May or may not be a Mogbomoya. Characteristics are also obvious- seats closest to the service entrance; should a course be too long arriving, they’d chug on juice and wine as if it were water or request that the servers bring them more of the same course. A black nylon rests under their seats, ready to tote any unfinished food which might or mightn’t be theirs.
iv. The gift takers-  As distinct from the immediate above, the gift takers simply came for the umbrellas, glass jugs, soap dishes. Food they’re sometimes interested in. They simply abandon it though, as soon as the first Ghana-must-go bag enters the reception hall. A free word of advice, whether as guest or dispenser of souvenirs, don’t get into arguments with them. It’s the fastest way to losing a tooth.
v. The matchmakers- These ones are not identifiable on sight. You’d have to talk to them before you recognise them for  who they are. Uncaring for your objections or protests, they always have a better boyfriend/girlfriend for you than the one you’re satisfied with. And they see no correlation between their “matchmaking” and the breakup rate. Free advice: Extricate yourself as respectfully as possible.  Don’t give them any reason to be angry with you.
vi. The Bored Person: This, I believe,  is self explanatory. Doesn’t look like they know bride OR groom. Doesn’t particularly want to know.
And then, the most important people of all:
The Wedding Party:
Bride’s Parents: Usually radiant. All smiles. They get to see their baby getting married. The daddy is usually glaring at the man who has dared to come between him and his girl but it’s very obvious that it’s not conveying real anger. The mom is usually making everyone feel comfortable especially if she doesn’t have a daughter to abdicate the responsibility to.
Groom’s Parents: In the Nigerian culture, parents help with weddings. Especially the groom’s parents. So the father is usually looking glum. His money is being spent on things like food and souvenirs. The mother is usually enjoying the wedding but glaring at the bride, especially if she has not come to learn how to prepare soup the way the groom likes it.
Both mothers however, keep their ears peeled to hear the opening notes of Sweet Mother when it comes on. The opportunity to dance with your child on their wedding day?  Priceless.
So there you have it. I love weddings. Do I want to get married soon? Heck no. Am I going to dress up every other Saturday and head out with my primary matchmaker/mom to a wedding? Yes!
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Before I end this post; I just want to tell the awesome couple, pictured below, to be unbelievably happy on their wedding day. And to remain friends. Because the wedding only lasts for a day at most, but the marriage is forever. And forever is way too long a time to live with anyone who is not your friend.
But mostly,  Just be happy.

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